Invalidate Prop 8: My Two Cents (Part II)

(Hmm... Maybe we should all do an "8 Posts in 8 Days" thing. What do you think?)

Okay, I know I've already had one rant this week, but there is something else that I just have to say: It never ceases to amaze me when people, especially other gays and lesbians, ask, "Why MARRIAGE? Why does it have to be marriage? Why not just settle for civil unions? Who really cares? Why is it such a big deal?"

Well, I'll tell you why it is such a big deal!

It is such a big deal because you deserve to be treated just as well as any other citizen of this country!

It is such a big deal because "separate but equal" does not exist. That concept is mythology and it's mythology that we've already debunked.

Been there.

Done that.

(think Brown vs. the Board of Education)

No matter how much you try to convince yourself that separate can be equal, it can't. By its very nature it is a contradiction in terms, an absolute impossibility.

There is no way around it.

Two parties are distinguished from each other because they have some discernibly different characteristic(s). Then they are kept separate and the party with the upper hand enjoys benefits from which the party with the lower hand is not allowed to partake. (Clearly, if the two groups shared truly equal benefits there would be no need to distinguish between them.) The oppressed party begins to complain and ask for equal treatment. The oppressors respond by codifying their discriminatory practices in order to maintain control.

Sound familiar?

You can sit there, but you can't sit here. You can drink there, but you can't drink here. You can have a civil union (Most states won't even give us that.), but you can't have a marriage. They are writing prejudice, bigotry, and discrimination into our constitution.

Like overgrown adult bullies on the political playground, right-wing exclusionists invoke biblical passages and pseudoscience to justify their prejudice. They derive purpose and self-satisfaction from oppressing and vilifying a vulnerable minority. To me, it feels much like being the lone kid on the playground who is singled out. You don't have the right clothes. You're too skinny. You're too fat. You aren't pretty enough. You can't be on the cool team because you are a "dyke" or a "fag." (How could anyone possibly think that this is a "choice?") The psychological impact alone is undeniable, immeasurable, and unacceptable.

But this isn't just about hurt feelings, people. Yeah, my feelings are hurt, but this about something far more tangible than that.

This is about

Cold.

Hard.

Cash.

If I die tomorrow my loving, devoted partner will not be able to collect my social security benefits. I have paid my part over the course of my lifetime, without question (or recourse), and they have taken that money from me and relegated me to a marginalized, subordinate position in society. They have taxed my paycheck and assessed fees against me which were, in part, taken during two tours of duty with the United States military, during which time I served my country with honor, pride, and dignity. As you can imagine, I'm a little indignant about that!

What if I worked for my city's police department or the state highway patrol? How many lesbians, do you suppose, are employed in law enforcement? And where do you think all of those city, county, state and federal pension benefits will go when they die? There are a lot of estranged dads, sisters and second cousins twice-removed hitting the jackpot. That's where. (Or, worse yet, the government can just reabsorb that money.)

Ever see "If These Walls Could Talk: II?" Remember the sweet little old lady who fell off the ladder and died? Then her greedy nephew came in from out of nowhere and put her life partner out of their home. He took everything they had built together. Think it can't happen to you? Depending on your age it may not seem important now, but you will be sixty before you know it and the world will look a whole lot different when you are.

Yeah. This is about your wallet, folks. Don't think for one minute that it isn't.

I cannot get a family membership discount at my local gym because my family is not recognized by the state of Virginia and, per their policy, only families recognized by the state of Virginia are legitimate families. The open enrollment period for benefits offered by my employer was last month. As I read through my options I noted that they were very careful to spell out that health insurance was only provided for "a spouse of the opposite sex." Don't talk to me about "separate but equal!"

Show me the money!
____________________________________

On that theme, here's a little jam:

Ride Wit Me ("Hey, Must Be the Money!") - Nelly


***P.S. If you would like to help fight this fight there are a lot of things that you can do even if you don't live in California! Julie, over at The Lesbian Mommy, has come up with a list of great suggestions. Check it out! ***